Always Recovering

Julia writes poetry. post pre permanent pain performance. from a low brow deadbeat generation.

Fat and Lazy

fat and lazy
we have become fat and lazy
wasting all the beautiful energy
on losing weight?
on losing it!

we are fat and lazy beings,
too short sighted to become
anything more than trimmed and groomed
so that we can slip on a jogging suit.

an old pal told me:
taste is bourgeois.
and while I’m at it
health is bourgeois, too
it’s fucking outdated, it’s nothing but convenience
in an age of affordable beauty
we rather shave our skulls and wear no hats!

I’ll die before it gets worse
a million deaths less meaningful than
my first leak in the morning
my last meshed up thoughts before
passing out

passed out,
nothing else remains, !
don’t you let your fat and your lazy lure you into
the eventful, eventual excess

of social rupture,
of social suicides because of forsaken strategies,
because of blind statistics and missing elements.

coming from another space than planet fat and lazy
I never accepted ignorance for alternatives
while altering the ingrained narrative,
awakening the native, the genuine, the orignal
just to quickly copy and ransack it!

tomorrow I’ll keep on dying the many deaths
we all die with every splash of a news flash
looking into faces of
mighty, noble survivalists
while passing a bottle or a spliff,
thinking about all the pigeonholed,
the crossed out
and forgotten

who are always happy to be remembered
to make memory
to make a constant and a passing moment.

This is more than the other
and beyond any conceivable law

some pieces that went missing on the front line
have edges as blunt and open
as my caring friend, irony.

Utrecht, April 2012
performed 26th April at Deadbeat Society

Filed under: poetry

Take it Easy

we tell ourselves to stay calm,
to take it easy
to take a deep breath.
we tell ourselves to
pay the bills and there’s nothing to stress.
we tell ourselves to
get some food, and
lick the last crumbs off our plates.

we tell ourselves to be critical,
to pay little and believe less.

be calm, take it easy, take a deep breath.

yet the more critical my payoff
at the end of the month gets
the more increases the pace
of my deep breaths and
I spit out the calm
cough from exhaustion.

be calm, take it easy, take a deep breath.

Going home to a cage with a bed
and a cable leading to the mess beyond
my head,

surrounded with a face in the mirror
stared at by a face on an inforamtion flooded,
racing, white slate

be calm, take it easy, take a deep breath.

In the back of my brain
scarred people tell me
don’t try…
All you need to know
is written in the books
is written on the gravestones,
write everything
outside yourself off,

drown and drink and smoke and shrink
the little that is left
to death

but then I thought
scarred people see it all
yet know less.

be calm, take it easy, take a deep breath

And I take a deep breath
but my lungs ache
I stay calm yet outside my door
the earth trembles, I take it easy
but there’s a heavy tangled mess
bending my back

yes, that’s what it is
telling myself all that crap
and I see it all but know so much less
than any other day
I might get across.

I eat it all up
this calm, easy, steadily breathing
mess.

And continue to fiddle with
the blade stuck in my breast
I give way to the foul air in my chest
and touch the oily load
that is colouring all that is left

with a shade beyond words
an idea too contradicting
to concider
because

all is well
all is easy
all is calm
just don’t try
and
take a deep breath.

Cologne, December 2011

Filed under: poetry

Gemüsegedicht


Schlächter kann’s nur werden
ehre ich den frischen, grünen
Lebensquell mit jeder Kiefer-
kontraktion befeuchte ich alles

Sabbernd durch die Straßen ziehend
Reiswaffeln zerknautschend
Passanten voll anraufen.
Richtig anmachen,
in Sojasoße einlegen. Man speist
nun unabhängiger denn je zuvor
hat genug Mut zum
massenhaft Möhren zersäbeln,
erst pellen die Strünke entfernen.

Man kann noch mehr essen
noch länger leben
noch mehr Mensch sein
und gleichzeitig
und gleichzeitig
und gleichzeitig
zeitiger denn je zuvor an den
Streichelzoo spenden im Gelände-
wagen in Einkaufsstraßen wenden,
Samstags.

Der nächste Salat wartet
alle Tiere sind schon tot, bevor sie
wahrscheinlich nicht das Licht
der Erdoberfläche mit eigenen
Tieraugen aufnehmen dürften und
somit guten Appetit und mit extra viel
Fleischstückchensoße auffüllen bitte!

Cologne, August 2011

Filed under: German, poetry, , , ,

Thin Walls

Dedicated to Marthe

Surrounded with thin walls
literally as figuratively
the getting closer to one another
is forced upon the inhabitants
avoiding your eyes,
avoiding your self
or the other
becomes an almost impossible task

loud music, slammed doors
are no long-lasting remedies
for all the pains that come with it
that come with dialogue
that come with muted sentiments
for all the pleasure
and all the affection
that comes with those very thin walls

knocking, shouting, coughing
no one can be as close as this
you might even hear a loud fart
set the clock, turn up the volume
plug up your ears
or let it all in
and smile
while falling asleep

Utrecht, Summer 2010

Filed under: poetry, ,

Poging Poezie

Prepare for two poems written in collaboration with Mara

Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: Dutch, poetry, ,

Im Stuhl drehen

Ausverkauf!
Funktionierende Geisteszustände sind für heute
nicht mehr erhältlich
versuchen sie es vielleicht morgen
noch einmal
denn
einen Versuch ist es immer wert

Heute Abend kann man sich nurnoch
still im Stuhl drehen
vor sich hin schauen
den Mäusen beim krabbeln zuhören
den eigenen Hirnübungen
nicht zuviel Aufmerksamkeit
schenken
dann weiter
das Licht knipsen
erst aus
dann ein
dann das Tageslicht verteufeln und
darauf warten es wieder aufs Neue
ausprobieren zu dürfen
nach unzähligen Nächten
schlaflos, schlafträchtig
unausgedrückt schwerwiegend
alltäglich

Utrecht, Spring 2011

Filed under: German, poetry

One Thing to Rely on


Every day is like a big joke.

switch through channels:
a ludicrous phantom of the real
a ludicrous segment of the real
lift limbs, walk up this or that path
suck in another shadow of the real
a shake of the head,
hair distorting the view
take another step and look up
try to learn how to laugh today.

Every stage every shot every set
of your own life
is like a big joke
frowning noisily instead of laughing,
scaring the animals away
soap dispensers with motion detectors!
the great machinery of the human mind
the great machinery of a big bowl full
with the same old joke. Every day the same
joke. Try and learn to laugh somehow.

Today I made it all disappear but scared
by accident myself away. Not so much
by mishap. It’s a tragedy, a bummer
to scare yourself away like that
day after day.

Read the rest of this entry »

Filed under: poetry, , ,

EVERYBODY can read Bukowski

Julia’s last night with a spine. Wanted: person to rub my chest.

PS. This one is dedicated to myself.

Filed under: poetry, video, , ,

Neu!

xkcd

First thing in the morning
touching thin paper reading
headlines moving index finger
slightly on repeat
first thing in the morning
staring into tied, tight looking
faces polished or brave
or bereft of their substance
first thing in the morning
reading reality absorbing
a message which will mend
its way along lines of
implemented NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH!
sunny weather clouds here and
there bombs and oil leaks and clubs
hitting debts rising
first thing in the morning
murder, treason, genocide,
collateral corpses, fire, NEWS FLASH
NEWS FLASH NEWS FLASH
first thing in the morning?
Dumb and numb and deaf
and toothless, lacking tongue
lacking spine or the ability
of erasing a habit and renewing
a perspective, a way of looking at
then acting on what’s happening
not only on thin paper and through
moving your index finger.

Cologne, July 2011

Filed under: poetry, , , ,

A Pungent Whiff of Cheese

To fall for a mind
to dance the incomprehensible, gentle dance
complete balance complete contradiction
dancing blindly with an idea in your head
no way but a path no eyes no senses but brains
only thinking, knowing, constructing, destroying
idle poetic notions
make you fall for an idea of a mind

Utrecht, Summer 2009

Filed under: Uncategorized

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